Infinity on the Side

 

Back to L.A. Went straight to Rinaldi's house. He knew why I was here. But for some reason, he avoided the subject.

'Jimmy, let's cut to the chase.'

'Vic, drop her. You had a lot of women. You can have anyone. You've seen the kid, that broad will be the highlight of his existence.'

'I'm in love with her.'

'You are in love every second week.'

'I'm serious.'

'So am I. Listen, what you want? Money? Credit? I'll send you the three rookies from the Candy Cat. On the house, for a week. Stuff that teenage dreams are made of. They'll suck you like vacuums on steroids.'

'I don't care Jimmy.'

'Two weeks on the house.'

'Don't care.'

Jimmy lit a cigarette. Threw a couple of bundles on the table.

'You know me better. When it comes to women, money doesn't mean anything to me.'

'I know you, better than you know yourself. Vic, I like you, you are a good player, you have style, you know when to quit. And this is one of those times. Quit while you are winning.'

'Haven't won yet.'

'Then quit before you start losing. Losing big. Stay away, 'cause things will get nasty.'

'What's the angle? She owes you money?'

'Drop it, none of your business!'

'How much?'

'Why, are you going to buy her debt?'

'How much?'

Jimmy laughed and put out the cigarette. Hard and slow.

'There's nothing you can do about her. My offer still stands.'

'Mine too. You know where to find me.'

'If you don't change your mind, change your address.'

'Noted.'

What in the name of God he has on you? How much do you owe? What the fuck do you owe? I searched everywhere. You've changed your number. I need another perpective, to this fucked up narrative. Went to Ray. Told him everything. He was confused. Not a good sign.

'Blackmail. He has something on her. You have to find out what.'

'How?'

'Don't know yet. Until we can figure it out, stay low.'

'But I can't, I'm worried sick!'

'You have to play it smarter. Let me make a couple of phone calls. There's an ex cop, he owes me a couple of favours.'

'Ok, and then?'

'She must tell you the truth.'

Those three days were the longest of my life. Finally, the phone rung.

'She's in a motel near the desert. The Safari Motor Inn. Proceed with caution.'

Rented a car and drove like a maniac. When she saw me, I almost fainted.

That fisrt kiss melted everything, every shadow of doubt.

We made love live possesed animals, like gods of the sun.

'How did you find me?'

'Does it matter?'

'No.'

She lied on my chest. The scent of her hair made feel so safe.

'What does Rinaldi have on you?' She looked at me scared.

'I can't tell you. Because you'll be in danger, and I don't want that.'

'If you don't tell me, I can't help you.'

'You can't.'

I grabbed her and pulled her closer to me.

'Listen to me, I'm terminally in love with you, and I don't care about anything. Those last days without you were like a coma, I don't care if I don't play poker again. You made me feel...'

'What?'

'Hope again.'

'And that's a bad thing?'

'It depends. If we can't be together, than yes. Hope is not healthy for my age. Tell me the truth Emma.'

'I can't.'

I got up. I was starting to get angry.

'Is there someone else?'

'No you silly man! I've never wanted anything or anyone more than you! I was yours since the first night, since your first smile. You stupid middle-aged man!'

She brushed her hands on my face.

'You fuckin' boomer, can't you see? When you are around, you make everything seem so easy. I've never felt so free in my life. Only with you.'

'Than tell me.'

'You can't help me.'

She started crying.

'Emma, if you won't tell me, I'll leave. And  I won't come back.'

'If you love me, that's the right thing to do.'

'You call this love?'

'Yes! I don't want anything bad to happen to you.'

'Something bad is already happening.'

'It's the lesser evil.'

Got dressed and almost out of the room when she stopped me.

'Please, don't go! Stay for a couple days!'

'And then what? We part our separate ways?'

'No..We'll figure something out. Please, come back to bed.'

'I don't want long goodbyes. Either you tell me  the truth or I'm gone.'

'Please Vic, don't! I'm doing this to protect you. If anything happens to you...'

'Emma, I know these people better than you, tell me what the fuck is happening and I'll help you, help us both.'

She fell on her knees weeping.

'Go. You don't understand. Just go!'

Those seconds were unbearable. I didn't know what to do. Time tranformed in gravity, a gravity that pulled everything down and crushed it, every thought, every breath. I drove untill I run out of gas. Smoked the last cigarette. The first rays of the sun were chocking me. Why? I should have listened to Tom. 

I've been crying for 50 miles. How tangled can this knot get? I would do anything for you. Just tell me the truth and I will kiss the blood off your hands.