Shadow Girl

 

The place is crowded, filled with people you don't know. 

"Heyy, how are you? Great party!"

"I love the view."

"Do you have any plans for Christmas?"

You are not here, you are viewing your life from afar. You woke up so happy, eager for the evening. And look at you now... You thought you reached some kind of top? That got somewhere, at this point of your life? Your smile is so plastic, watch out girlie, the next time you light a cigarette, don't let your lips get too close to the flame.

Do you feel anything? Or was that the goal from the start? To feel nothing, to shut the pain, even if it meant to numb every other emotion? You look stunning. But that halo is full of cracks. A beautiful wreckage wandering through the party. Your nose is bleeding, the same thoughts are pounding your skull, scratching their claws on your nerves.

"Try this, is delicious!"

"You've got to give me  the recipe for the  fondue!"

This is what you wanted. Let's feast on the void, on the glamorizing nihilism. You want to vomit on each and every one of them. Show them, the same photos, tell them, the same stories, isn't it wonderful? Look at the host, sharp dressed, such an elegant zero. Giggling like a stoned monkey. Exit stage left. This play is too much for you, the exposure is suffocating. The real life. The mirror smirks. The voices laugh so loud when you're alone.

Who are you? Were you ever there? Do you remember anything? Something that was real? Your face is turning blue, almost black. Choking on your happiness. Is this too much? Or too little? Follow your shadow. The night air soothes the noise. Keep going. With every step, you feel like floating on whispers. Throw the cell phone. It starts to rain. You've never felt so thirsty in your life. 

You are lost. Make a wish. Maybe the celluloid gods you worship, are in a good mood tonight. Close your eyes. Do you still have a dream? Innocent and dirty, childish and full of grandeur? The darkness in the veins of the city is on fire. The highways are praying. The screens have a thick skin, but it's not yours. Follow the fire. There's a hidden horizon, somewhere in these blocks. Dance the hazy distance. And say that spell. Like a song.