Heartattack and Vine

The city is moody tonight. It's lights spell vague threats, the wind is bleeding all the G-spots of loneliness and despair. The night isn't mine, i feel like a ghost. Tom is blue, been drinking since 18:00.

'Why the long face?'

'The usual stuff.'

'And what else?'

'I'm tired Vic. Tired of waiting, tired of being tired of everything.'

'You're just lonely.'

'For too long. I'm bored, so bored that i miss my ex-wife. I even miss our fights. Can you believe it?'

'That bad huh?'

'Even worse.'

'You should get out, meet new people.'

'What's the point, the world isn't what it used to be. I feel like a relic.'

'You are, but even relics need company.'

'You are such a good friend.'

'And so unappreciated.'

'Ah, I remember those days. When women could be women and didn't have to be men as well.'

'That's the problem with nostalgia, It's not a trustfull source. I assure you, some women still sing, dance and want to have a good time.'

'Yeah, but they call themselves 'Hector' nowadays.'

'You were born with a midlife crisis, you know that?'

'Tell me something I don't know.'

We spend the next hour drinking. Same jokes, same songs, same misery.

' The younger generations are so angry and frustrated because their music sucks.'

'Here we go again.'

'But it's true. What the fuck happened? These kids are walking comas! How the fuck are they even alive, who's telling them to breathe?'

'You are getting bitter, you know that? More than usual.'

'Ah come on man, have you seen them flirt? If you take their phones, they won't know what to do! These girls are brain dead.'

'Someone is jealous.'

'Is this how you pick women up these days? Just a couple of cringey one liners and she's ready to squat on your chops? Fucking hell I had to wine them, dine them, prove I was good enough before even getting tit, nowadays some charmless mouth breather types "you fine imma lick your flaps" and she goes "tee hee ok" and it's on.'

'God's zoo is big, and the fence is low these days.'

'There is no fence.'

'Only offence. Everybody is offended by everything.'

Last drink. Last cigarettes. The dawn is melting every happy thought that keeps me going.

'I envy you, you know that?'

'Why? Because I'm younger, handsome and talented?'

'Because you are in love. I can't remember the feeling. I'm almost certain that it won't happen again. So tell me, how is it?'

'Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than her. I want to spend the rest my life trying to answer the question of her beauty. I don't care for anything else. She's my last shot on happiness. I thought the world was grey. She's black and white, and all the colors of the rainbow on fire. She's teaching me how to dream. And those dreams are more real and beautiful than ever. Her freedom is her art, and my life a masterpiece unfolding. I'm sorry, I'm getting really sappy.'

Tom's smile was sad. He finished his drink and went to bed.

'Don't let it slip away. Even if it breaks your heart.'

I walked home. Wandering, if it worth the pain, if she feels the same.  I can't sleep. Her abscense lingers in the dark. I need that whisper, that sigh. That look. Those endless nights. When Heaven and Hell are one and the same. And everything else doesn't exist beyond our bed. Pain and ecstasy in abundance, tenderness and a last desperate touch of hope.. Honey, I'm hopeless, I have no future. I'll probably get arrested when I'm in my grave, but I'll be savin' all my love for you.